Restless
Unfulfilled
Wanting
Dreaming
Wondering
Wishing
How long?
Where?
When?
Will it happen?
Complacent for now
Contentment desired.
What’s in store?
Where am I supposed to be?
Displaced
Yet blessed
Motivated
Undirected
Confused
Searching
Dizzied
Where is the calling?
Where is the purpose?
Love
Be loved
Love Him.
Love them.
Love me.
Accept and adapt.
Best friend role
Never the leading lady
Is that good enough for me?
Can I do anything about it?
Is it what I should be doing?
Selflessness vs. selfishness
Where am I on the scale?
Solidified waiting
Enjoy.
Honestly, these are words and thoughts that have filled my mind for a while now, and I never came to any peace about it until yesterday--sitting in my broken down car on the side of the road, nowhere near a gas station, waiting so impatiently for my dad to get there and help me. I couldn’t do anything about where I was, but could really only look around in the car and search the heavens to ask this “ever-loving” God to give me some peace. I finally let some emotion out from where it had been sitting in the pit of my stomach for so long, and tried writing out some, honestly, angry prayers in my forlorn prayer journal. So much change has been happening for so many people in my life, that I feel dizzied at the thought of it all, happy that they are all moving at light speed, but wondering why I'm standing still, watching it all pass by. At that moment, I was begging God to speak to me: “Send me some clear sign as to what I’m supposed to be doing with all this time You’ve given me!” I’ve been hard at work serving Him in churches, and encouraging others to live wholeheartedly for Him, but have been lacking within myself the same encouragement I was giving out. I have been trying to do everything I can to live wholeheartedly for Him, filling my life with services, trying to show Him I love Him, and praying for the answer to my questions. And yet it only took ten seconds of a sermon podcast to wake me to the purpose. It’s not all about me. This waiting thing is just another chapter in His sovereign story of love for the world. I’m but a stitch in the whole tapestry, but the place where I am is beautiful, too. He fills my world with color and beauty, no matter where on the road I am—moving at full speed or stuck in the shoulder. This waiting forces me to stop and look around, notice the beautiful things in the present location before rushing to the next phase. Eager waiting is good… but enjoying it is better. Don’t get blinded by the foggy unknown ahead of you… look to your sides and praise Him for the people and the blessings you already have surrounding you. Look back and thank Him for the past because it and all its ups and downs have brought you to this beautiful place. Enjoy the present while it’s here, because soon enough it’ll be gone and over, and you’ll be wishing for it back. Knowing what’s ahead will only cause discontentment and hastiness, so maybe that’s why He never tells us ahead of time. All we need to know is
1) It’s not about our story, but His instead.
2) He knows what will happen.
3) He’s promised us His best, not what we can come up with for ourselves.
4) Whatever happens, He’s always with us, so we are never without reason to be filled with joy.
5) Wherever we are, we need to be living for His present glory, so that others’ future joys will be secure for eternity.
What’s funny is that I’ve known these things and have been telling myself this over and over and over, but it takes His timing to let it sink into my heart. Life with God is supposed to be this great adventure, filled with swashbuckling tales of faith and trust no matter how many storms set in… this grand rollercoaster ride, where we can wholeheartedly throw our hands in the air, let go of the handlebars and let Him fill our world with thrills we could never have on the ground. So I guess waiting is that sweet moment just before hitting the first big drop on the ride. You’re holding on and trusting the Lord’s course, all the while looking around at the spectacular view, the friends at your sides about to take the drop with you, and knowing that this is the ride of your dreams. It took so much to get in the seat, get up the hill, that now you can praise Him that you’re even up where you are. Enjoying life is not about having what you want, but instead about being where you want to be… in that seat, with those people, captivated by the love that surrounds you and fills your heart for the One moving the car.
I've let go of the handlebars... so we'll see where He takes me.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Elephants are too loud, and donkeys kick too hard.
Caution: This is a vent about politics... so either read it and get over it, or don't read it at all... :o)
I'm getting sick of it.
I'm not going to spill my personal politics, just my observations.
I can't stand that we let elections turn the otherwise most dignified people in the country into little children fighting over all the new toys they might get in November. Posting facebook "statuses" (stati) that exclaim your views, and shove it in the other party's face is arrogant and rude. I don't care if you're democrat, republican, or undecided... it's flat out offensive. The election is NOT a college football game, where fans can be as loud and obnoxious as they want about how much better their team is, just to have a game decide for them in four quarters and 3 hours. Elections like this one decide who the leader of the free world will be, who will get the nukes, who will decide what our lives will look like for atleast the next four years, if not eight. So, quit all the whining and debating, trying to change other people's minds. In the end, you're either yelling at people who are deaf to you (the other party), or at people who will then run the other way (the undecided). Guess what!?!?! He who yells louder doesn't WIN!
All that matters is what you personally think, and that should be kept to yourself. It's okay if you want to label yourself as Red or Blue. You're entitled to your own opinion. But there's a REASON why there are PRIVATE voting booths. There's a reason why there's anonymity with the votes themselves. Your opinion is NO ONE ELSE'S BUSINESS, when it comes to voting. You know why??? Because they are entitled to their own opinion, too. So, posting little comments that bring the other party down, or try to prove a point for your own party is just petty and stupid in my eyes. Doing all of that just makes the fight for the office that much more dirty.
Toward the end of these races, the debates end up on personal levels for the candidates- trying to make each other look bad in order to win votes. It's even more frustrating to me when party members, including some friends of mine, end up debating the same personal stuff, in lieu of the issues at hand: the war, gas prices, healthcare and education. We let all of that important stuff slide onto the backburners while we wail on each other about beliefs and morals and things that won't change on a personal level. Who cares if Obama doesn't wear a flag pin? Who gives a crap how old McCain is? All that really matters is what they are going to do with the four or eight years they are given to rule the country. And those little things we fight about don't mean anything for the future.
So, in all, please don't go debating anything until you've educated yourself on the candidates, their respective views on the issues, their plans to change the country, and their respective political histories. There's a LOT out there to be researched, and not just what CNN or FOX tells us to believe. Look it up for yourself. Make your own decision. Don't let the media rule what you think, just because they are right there in front of you. Figure out what YOU think about the IMPORTANT issues at hand, stuff that will change the future, and make your decision. Please don't base it on your morals or on what the candidates say theirs are. (FYI, I just found out last night through some research that McCain has had a few affairs in his past, one of which became his present wife... and Obama has some interesting skeletons in his closet, too). They're probably lying most of the time, because the only thing they want from us is our vote.
All they really need is for us to check their name on our ballot in order to get what they want. And usually, politicians who make it big are big fat liars. It's just a fact. And that's what's so funny to me! They let the media play little petty games with their personal lives in order to win our votes, most of which usually result from one or two media headlines, instead of any kind of research on the issues at hand. How sad is that? We're just little pawns in the big scheme of things. Unless we get past all the BS in the speeches, articles, and slogans, we'll never make wise decisions as a country. We are given a unique opportunity in this day and age. Never before has a country been so affluent in opportunities for further knowledge (internet, books, newspapers, historical records), but we let the media spoon feed us everything we THINK we need to know. And that same country has the chance to take whatever knowledge we come up with and CHOOSE for ourselves the leader we want. That's an amazing choice to have. Let's take advantage of it.
Just vote, and make the most of the opportunity. And meanwhile, don't be a two year old about it.
I'm getting sick of it.
I'm not going to spill my personal politics, just my observations.
I can't stand that we let elections turn the otherwise most dignified people in the country into little children fighting over all the new toys they might get in November. Posting facebook "statuses" (stati) that exclaim your views, and shove it in the other party's face is arrogant and rude. I don't care if you're democrat, republican, or undecided... it's flat out offensive. The election is NOT a college football game, where fans can be as loud and obnoxious as they want about how much better their team is, just to have a game decide for them in four quarters and 3 hours. Elections like this one decide who the leader of the free world will be, who will get the nukes, who will decide what our lives will look like for atleast the next four years, if not eight. So, quit all the whining and debating, trying to change other people's minds. In the end, you're either yelling at people who are deaf to you (the other party), or at people who will then run the other way (the undecided). Guess what!?!?! He who yells louder doesn't WIN!
All that matters is what you personally think, and that should be kept to yourself. It's okay if you want to label yourself as Red or Blue. You're entitled to your own opinion. But there's a REASON why there are PRIVATE voting booths. There's a reason why there's anonymity with the votes themselves. Your opinion is NO ONE ELSE'S BUSINESS, when it comes to voting. You know why??? Because they are entitled to their own opinion, too. So, posting little comments that bring the other party down, or try to prove a point for your own party is just petty and stupid in my eyes. Doing all of that just makes the fight for the office that much more dirty.
Toward the end of these races, the debates end up on personal levels for the candidates- trying to make each other look bad in order to win votes. It's even more frustrating to me when party members, including some friends of mine, end up debating the same personal stuff, in lieu of the issues at hand: the war, gas prices, healthcare and education. We let all of that important stuff slide onto the backburners while we wail on each other about beliefs and morals and things that won't change on a personal level. Who cares if Obama doesn't wear a flag pin? Who gives a crap how old McCain is? All that really matters is what they are going to do with the four or eight years they are given to rule the country. And those little things we fight about don't mean anything for the future.
So, in all, please don't go debating anything until you've educated yourself on the candidates, their respective views on the issues, their plans to change the country, and their respective political histories. There's a LOT out there to be researched, and not just what CNN or FOX tells us to believe. Look it up for yourself. Make your own decision. Don't let the media rule what you think, just because they are right there in front of you. Figure out what YOU think about the IMPORTANT issues at hand, stuff that will change the future, and make your decision. Please don't base it on your morals or on what the candidates say theirs are. (FYI, I just found out last night through some research that McCain has had a few affairs in his past, one of which became his present wife... and Obama has some interesting skeletons in his closet, too). They're probably lying most of the time, because the only thing they want from us is our vote.
All they really need is for us to check their name on our ballot in order to get what they want. And usually, politicians who make it big are big fat liars. It's just a fact. And that's what's so funny to me! They let the media play little petty games with their personal lives in order to win our votes, most of which usually result from one or two media headlines, instead of any kind of research on the issues at hand. How sad is that? We're just little pawns in the big scheme of things. Unless we get past all the BS in the speeches, articles, and slogans, we'll never make wise decisions as a country. We are given a unique opportunity in this day and age. Never before has a country been so affluent in opportunities for further knowledge (internet, books, newspapers, historical records), but we let the media spoon feed us everything we THINK we need to know. And that same country has the chance to take whatever knowledge we come up with and CHOOSE for ourselves the leader we want. That's an amazing choice to have. Let's take advantage of it.
Just vote, and make the most of the opportunity. And meanwhile, don't be a two year old about it.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
So nothing can contain me
Lately I've been reading this book that I definitely recommend to anyone wanting to fall more in love with Jesus... it's called "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. So, some of this entry is inspired by what the Lord's been telling me through that book, and also just by His enormous presence in my mind recently.
The book helps outline those basic, fundamental truths about who God is, how unfathomably big He is, and how unbelievable it is to think that He shrinks Himself to be small for us on a daily basis. By saying that, I in no way am expressing that He can be contained or put into some box for us to tote around. No, indeed! Instead I mean that He, being so grand and big in nature, makes Himself approachable on a personal level with us, some comparatively small creatures He loves in such a big way. The only way a big God can.
There's a video you need to watch... so open a new window on your computer and just watch it: Go to www.crazylovebook.com, and click on videos. Find "The Awe Factor of God", and be amazed.... that's right... right now.
HOW SMALL ARE WE?!?!?! Pretty humbling, isn't it?
So, for God, in all His splendor, to love us in such a big way, is pretty dang unbelievable, right?
That's what I've been struggling with lately. I start my days with a quiet time, and a quick prayer... and I end my day with a chapter of the book and a longer, journaled prayer. But somewhere in between the beginning and the end, I forget Him. I forget my First Love. I am not conscious of His moment-by-moment presence in my life, and I have trouble living out my days trying to glorify Him in everything I do. It's so repeatedly brought to my attention every night: His great love for me, and how much I screw our relationship up every single day. How dare I come off as a God-loving and fearing Christian, someone who can so easily advise others to do His will, when I'm not even doing it myself? How dare I pray as if I love Him back, when I don't live like it? It's as if I come home and say I love Him so much every night, kiss Him on the cheek in the morning, and then go off and carry on an affair with my other "gods" all day long.
I feel so horrible about not loving Him back in the way He deserves. I do try, don't get me wrong. It's just mind-blowing to think that He comes and embraces me with such incredible grace and mercy, with the kind of love that can only pour out of His enormous heart, makes Himself approachable for me, and I keep pretending so much. He knows I do, too. I just can't wrap my mind around how BIG He is, and how SMALL I am, and how GREAT His love is for me, and how FEEBLE mine is for Him.
So, my heart is overflowing with praise for my Love... "O for a thousand tongues to sing my Redeemer's praise"
Here's the song my heart is crying out....
I want to burn for You
I want to burn for You
I want to burn for You
So nothing can contain me.
I want to burn for You
I want to burn for You
I want to burn for You
So the Earth will see Your glory.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Crimson to white... to Streets of Gold.
I hear the Savior say,
"Thy strength indeed is small.
Child of weakness, watch and pray.
Find in me thine all in all."
And now indeed I find
Thy pow'r and Thine alone
Can change the leper's spots
And melt the heart of stone.
And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete
"Jesus died my soul to save!"
My lips shall still repeat:
Jesus paid it all!
All to Him I owe.
Sin had left a crimson stain;
He washed it white as snow.
Go on up to the mountain of mercy
To the crimson, perpetual tide.
Kneel down on the shore,
Be thirsty no more.
Go under and be purified.
Follow Christ to the holy mountain,
Sinner sorry and wrecked by the Fall.
Cleanse your heart and soul
In the fountain that flows
For you and for me and for all.
On the hillside, you will be delivered
At the foot of the cross justified
And your spirit restored
By the river that poured
From our blessed Savior's side
At the wonderful, tragic, mysterious tree
On that beautiful, scandalous night, you and me
Were atoned by His blood
And forever washed white
On that beautiful, scandalous night
"Thy strength indeed is small.
Child of weakness, watch and pray.
Find in me thine all in all."
And now indeed I find
Thy pow'r and Thine alone
Can change the leper's spots
And melt the heart of stone.
And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete
"Jesus died my soul to save!"
My lips shall still repeat:
Jesus paid it all!
All to Him I owe.
Sin had left a crimson stain;
He washed it white as snow.
Go on up to the mountain of mercy
To the crimson, perpetual tide.
Kneel down on the shore,
Be thirsty no more.
Go under and be purified.
Follow Christ to the holy mountain,
Sinner sorry and wrecked by the Fall.
Cleanse your heart and soul
In the fountain that flows
For you and for me and for all.
On the hillside, you will be delivered
At the foot of the cross justified
And your spirit restored
By the river that poured
From our blessed Savior's side
At the wonderful, tragic, mysterious tree
On that beautiful, scandalous night, you and me
Were atoned by His blood
And forever washed white
On that beautiful, scandalous night
Friday, August 8, 2008
Refreshment
Sometimes miracles happen in small moments.
A heart starts beating,
Eyes open,
Rain drops fall.
I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good.
He's stilled my anxious mind,
Pulsed my numb heart.
Step by step He reminds me of
His unfailing love,
Neverending, unchanging, unadulterated;
Reckless abandon and fearless love.
He's not afraid of hurt,
So He keeps on loving unconditionally.
He's quietly and slowly filled me,
I've begun to overflow.
He lit a spark, and keeps piling on the firewood.
The small flame grows day by day.
Love beckons me day and night;
My delight is being found in Him.
I want to be like I once was,
But He'll take me to new places,
Over hills and down to the depths,
New frontiers to be chartered and explored.
Praise the Lord for His refreshing love!
Praise Him for a renewed spirit!
Praise Him for the rocky road to redemption.
A heart starts beating,
Eyes open,
Rain drops fall.
I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good.
He's stilled my anxious mind,
Pulsed my numb heart.
Step by step He reminds me of
His unfailing love,
Neverending, unchanging, unadulterated;
Reckless abandon and fearless love.
He's not afraid of hurt,
So He keeps on loving unconditionally.
He's quietly and slowly filled me,
I've begun to overflow.
He lit a spark, and keeps piling on the firewood.
The small flame grows day by day.
Love beckons me day and night;
My delight is being found in Him.
I want to be like I once was,
But He'll take me to new places,
Over hills and down to the depths,
New frontiers to be chartered and explored.
Praise the Lord for His refreshing love!
Praise Him for a renewed spirit!
Praise Him for the rocky road to redemption.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Never let me go
I usually don’t do this, but I felt I needed to respond to the teachings God brought before me today by just writing it all out. So, I’m sorry if this is repetitive for some of you who went to the Crave service tonight, but I just had to do it.
The speaker tonight was on the subject of the warning signs of drifting away from God, in a passage in Hebrews. Let’s just say, I got the Jesus 2x4 tonight for the first time in a long time. The speaker asked us to think back to the best time we can think of in our walks with Jesus so far, a specific place in time when we were so on fire for Him that nothing could bring us away from that spiritual mountain top. Then he made us think of the people that surrounded us at that time, and the way we devoted our time to God and His will, and the other things we filled our date books with. What changed? When did we start descending the mountain?
I’m not saying that mountaintop experiences should be commonplace for everyday living, because I know as you should that most of our Christian lives are filled with the struggle of merging the two worlds we are a part of. But what was it that made me lose focus and start drifting. The speaker said that the Greek word used for drifting in the passage was also used for the ship captains bringing their ships to shore that didn’t pay attention and began drifting in the opposite direction, therefore losing time, money, and purpose. It’s incredible how you can look away for just a second and end up a thousand miles away from where you thought you were headed. It happened to me.
When I thought about the peak moment of my Christian life so far, I had to think of this moment on my mission trip to Chicago with SEMP my sophomore summer of high school. I was in the last worship service of the week, with thousands of others around, when I had this moment with God where I knew with all my heart, and I truly believed that He completes me above all else. Nothing else can fill the whole in my heart. I had already become a believer, but it was in that moment that I fell completely in love with Him.
I’m not in any way blaming anyone else in my past for causing me to drift from my Lord, and I do apologize for any lies, misgivings, or hypocrisies that I have said or given in the past in this area, even to my closest friends. But I think once I started dating my ex-boyfriend I became unfocused. I said I was focused, and I did things a focused person would do, but I let those things get in the way of what really should have been the heart of it all. I let my work for the kingdom get in the way of the King’s ruling my heart. I volunteered, worked, counseled, encouraged, etc, all without what should have been behind it.
And now I find myself after years of being so lost and not knowing where I was going, blind to any direction, still unsure.
It’s not that I am doing anything out of the ordinary or out of line with what the rest of the world would want from me, but I am just searching helplessly for security, something to hold me down and point me in the right direction, something to guide me and hold my hand through the storms in the sea of everyday life. And tonight I was blessed with a reminder.
“God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure…” Hebrews 6:18-19a
I have to get back to being that high school girl, afire with an anchored flame that gives me wings to soar for Him. He never lets go of me, even though I let go of Him so very often. Everytime I sing these lyrics, I fall more in love with Him:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm.
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low.
Oh no, You never let go.
Lord, you never let go of me!
Lord,
Help me to do whatever I do all in Your name, only in line with Your will. Please point me in the right direction and help me to stay on track. God, you know I’m as flawed as it gets, but remind me and help me to be more than just useless. You made me with a purpose, and I can’t wait to figure out what that is, but for now, I want to take one moment at a time, living with Your perfect will in mind. Lord, I can’t believe You’ve never let go of me. It’s too amazing to me. Thank You for bringing me back to my first Love. I want to fall only more and more in love with You as each day goes by, so help me to stay the course. Lord, I love you. Thank You, Father. Amen.
The speaker tonight was on the subject of the warning signs of drifting away from God, in a passage in Hebrews. Let’s just say, I got the Jesus 2x4 tonight for the first time in a long time. The speaker asked us to think back to the best time we can think of in our walks with Jesus so far, a specific place in time when we were so on fire for Him that nothing could bring us away from that spiritual mountain top. Then he made us think of the people that surrounded us at that time, and the way we devoted our time to God and His will, and the other things we filled our date books with. What changed? When did we start descending the mountain?
I’m not saying that mountaintop experiences should be commonplace for everyday living, because I know as you should that most of our Christian lives are filled with the struggle of merging the two worlds we are a part of. But what was it that made me lose focus and start drifting. The speaker said that the Greek word used for drifting in the passage was also used for the ship captains bringing their ships to shore that didn’t pay attention and began drifting in the opposite direction, therefore losing time, money, and purpose. It’s incredible how you can look away for just a second and end up a thousand miles away from where you thought you were headed. It happened to me.
When I thought about the peak moment of my Christian life so far, I had to think of this moment on my mission trip to Chicago with SEMP my sophomore summer of high school. I was in the last worship service of the week, with thousands of others around, when I had this moment with God where I knew with all my heart, and I truly believed that He completes me above all else. Nothing else can fill the whole in my heart. I had already become a believer, but it was in that moment that I fell completely in love with Him.
I’m not in any way blaming anyone else in my past for causing me to drift from my Lord, and I do apologize for any lies, misgivings, or hypocrisies that I have said or given in the past in this area, even to my closest friends. But I think once I started dating my ex-boyfriend I became unfocused. I said I was focused, and I did things a focused person would do, but I let those things get in the way of what really should have been the heart of it all. I let my work for the kingdom get in the way of the King’s ruling my heart. I volunteered, worked, counseled, encouraged, etc, all without what should have been behind it.
And now I find myself after years of being so lost and not knowing where I was going, blind to any direction, still unsure.
It’s not that I am doing anything out of the ordinary or out of line with what the rest of the world would want from me, but I am just searching helplessly for security, something to hold me down and point me in the right direction, something to guide me and hold my hand through the storms in the sea of everyday life. And tonight I was blessed with a reminder.
“God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure…” Hebrews 6:18-19a
I have to get back to being that high school girl, afire with an anchored flame that gives me wings to soar for Him. He never lets go of me, even though I let go of Him so very often. Everytime I sing these lyrics, I fall more in love with Him:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm.
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low.
Oh no, You never let go.
Lord, you never let go of me!
Lord,
Help me to do whatever I do all in Your name, only in line with Your will. Please point me in the right direction and help me to stay on track. God, you know I’m as flawed as it gets, but remind me and help me to be more than just useless. You made me with a purpose, and I can’t wait to figure out what that is, but for now, I want to take one moment at a time, living with Your perfect will in mind. Lord, I can’t believe You’ve never let go of me. It’s too amazing to me. Thank You for bringing me back to my first Love. I want to fall only more and more in love with You as each day goes by, so help me to stay the course. Lord, I love you. Thank You, Father. Amen.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Change me, Lord
As I sit back and think about my daily life, I'm realizing how boring it's all become. I have no adventure anymore, it seems. There's no thrill, no fun. Hmmm...
The most recent change with me is my new job as a receptionist at a local hair salon, which is pretty boring so far. No joke. However, it is only my third day on the job tomorrow... so we'll see what happens.
I mostly hang out with my grandma, and my extended relatives, all of whom are over the age of 60. So, you can imagine what that's like. Although I must say, I have fallen out of my chair laughing with them on multiple occasions. :o) Our twice weekly domino games have become highlights in my week.
Then there's the most fun thing I have going, which is my involvement in Summergrove Baptist's middle school youth group, which is a real blessing for me. These girls are amazing, and they make my week every time I get to be with them. A couple have already opened up big time, and it's really just incredible to see what God's doing through the young people these days. Courage is in the meek.
But outside of that, I'm wondering why my life turned out this way. Not the whole moving here thing, but why I'm in this particular situation. I've always pictured myself working at a church ministry as an intern doing the Lord's work and serving Him alongside new people in my life. And I've seen myself as having more friends than the 2 I sparingly see, getting to know them, going out on the town, being crazy, you know. I'm also wondering whether I should have gotten so involved in a ministry so quickly without figuring out the church it's in first. I don't really get much out of the services there, and I can't be involved in the young singles group because of schedule conflicts with the youth group's stuff. So, I'm doing what I can with the youth group on Sunday morning and Wednesday night, but am not really fellowshipping with people my own age at all. And I really miss my home church and everyone there. I REALLY miss it.
So, I'm just crying out for some ADVENTURE here, Lord! I need to find that sweet spot! I want to be off the fence and into the game. What should I do, God? What do I need to change about myself in order to enjoy my life more? You alone can change me....
The most recent change with me is my new job as a receptionist at a local hair salon, which is pretty boring so far. No joke. However, it is only my third day on the job tomorrow... so we'll see what happens.
I mostly hang out with my grandma, and my extended relatives, all of whom are over the age of 60. So, you can imagine what that's like. Although I must say, I have fallen out of my chair laughing with them on multiple occasions. :o) Our twice weekly domino games have become highlights in my week.
Then there's the most fun thing I have going, which is my involvement in Summergrove Baptist's middle school youth group, which is a real blessing for me. These girls are amazing, and they make my week every time I get to be with them. A couple have already opened up big time, and it's really just incredible to see what God's doing through the young people these days. Courage is in the meek.
But outside of that, I'm wondering why my life turned out this way. Not the whole moving here thing, but why I'm in this particular situation. I've always pictured myself working at a church ministry as an intern doing the Lord's work and serving Him alongside new people in my life. And I've seen myself as having more friends than the 2 I sparingly see, getting to know them, going out on the town, being crazy, you know. I'm also wondering whether I should have gotten so involved in a ministry so quickly without figuring out the church it's in first. I don't really get much out of the services there, and I can't be involved in the young singles group because of schedule conflicts with the youth group's stuff. So, I'm doing what I can with the youth group on Sunday morning and Wednesday night, but am not really fellowshipping with people my own age at all. And I really miss my home church and everyone there. I REALLY miss it.
So, I'm just crying out for some ADVENTURE here, Lord! I need to find that sweet spot! I want to be off the fence and into the game. What should I do, God? What do I need to change about myself in order to enjoy my life more? You alone can change me....
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