I usually don’t do this, but I felt I needed to respond to the teachings God brought before me today by just writing it all out. So, I’m sorry if this is repetitive for some of you who went to the Crave service tonight, but I just had to do it.
The speaker tonight was on the subject of the warning signs of drifting away from God, in a passage in Hebrews. Let’s just say, I got the Jesus 2x4 tonight for the first time in a long time. The speaker asked us to think back to the best time we can think of in our walks with Jesus so far, a specific place in time when we were so on fire for Him that nothing could bring us away from that spiritual mountain top. Then he made us think of the people that surrounded us at that time, and the way we devoted our time to God and His will, and the other things we filled our date books with. What changed? When did we start descending the mountain?
I’m not saying that mountaintop experiences should be commonplace for everyday living, because I know as you should that most of our Christian lives are filled with the struggle of merging the two worlds we are a part of. But what was it that made me lose focus and start drifting. The speaker said that the Greek word used for drifting in the passage was also used for the ship captains bringing their ships to shore that didn’t pay attention and began drifting in the opposite direction, therefore losing time, money, and purpose. It’s incredible how you can look away for just a second and end up a thousand miles away from where you thought you were headed. It happened to me.
When I thought about the peak moment of my Christian life so far, I had to think of this moment on my mission trip to Chicago with SEMP my sophomore summer of high school. I was in the last worship service of the week, with thousands of others around, when I had this moment with God where I knew with all my heart, and I truly believed that He completes me above all else. Nothing else can fill the whole in my heart. I had already become a believer, but it was in that moment that I fell completely in love with Him.
I’m not in any way blaming anyone else in my past for causing me to drift from my Lord, and I do apologize for any lies, misgivings, or hypocrisies that I have said or given in the past in this area, even to my closest friends. But I think once I started dating my ex-boyfriend I became unfocused. I said I was focused, and I did things a focused person would do, but I let those things get in the way of what really should have been the heart of it all. I let my work for the kingdom get in the way of the King’s ruling my heart. I volunteered, worked, counseled, encouraged, etc, all without what should have been behind it.
And now I find myself after years of being so lost and not knowing where I was going, blind to any direction, still unsure.
It’s not that I am doing anything out of the ordinary or out of line with what the rest of the world would want from me, but I am just searching helplessly for security, something to hold me down and point me in the right direction, something to guide me and hold my hand through the storms in the sea of everyday life. And tonight I was blessed with a reminder.
“God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure…” Hebrews 6:18-19a
I have to get back to being that high school girl, afire with an anchored flame that gives me wings to soar for Him. He never lets go of me, even though I let go of Him so very often. Everytime I sing these lyrics, I fall more in love with Him:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm.
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low.
Oh no, You never let go.
Lord, you never let go of me!
Lord,
Help me to do whatever I do all in Your name, only in line with Your will. Please point me in the right direction and help me to stay on track. God, you know I’m as flawed as it gets, but remind me and help me to be more than just useless. You made me with a purpose, and I can’t wait to figure out what that is, but for now, I want to take one moment at a time, living with Your perfect will in mind. Lord, I can’t believe You’ve never let go of me. It’s too amazing to me. Thank You for bringing me back to my first Love. I want to fall only more and more in love with You as each day goes by, so help me to stay the course. Lord, I love you. Thank You, Father. Amen.
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