Living out of a suitcase

Hormones are mischevious things... They make you feel so many different things all at once... They make you want things you know you can't have just yet... They make you want to do something completely different, just for the heck of it. Because if you escape where you are right now, you have the false hope of doing something that will leave all problems, skeletons, any negativities whatsoever behind. Far behind, where no one you know will see them.

And I am so convinced that boys have these feelings, just as much as girls. And that leads to girls wondering what they did wrong, or what's wrong with them naturally, which leads to hormones taking over in every way.

Hormones have way too much power in my life. I think I give them that power by blaming everything I feel, every immature thing I do, every immature thing done to me on them. Instead of doing something about it, or just moving on and living each day fresh and new, I let hormones take the throne, and I just wait until they finally die and lose their reign.

All of this happens when I let it happen. Only then do I find myself in a PMS funk. The only alternative to giving in is to give it up. Giving up every single day to my God, and letting Him take care of me, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, are the only ways I can really know that I'm going to be okay. When I let hormones and feelings and problems become the biggest things I see, I forget to focus on the ENORMITY of who God is, and what He can do in my life.

I have a friend who goes from trend to trend in his life, who surfaces and resurfaces when things in each trend go wrong, and he always has an excuse to move on to the next thing in his life... something he believes will make him happy. He never has anything but excuses, and even those don't hide what is really going on in him from the ones who know him best. He never takes responsibility, and he never finishes anything he starts. He's always searching for that one thing he can stick with and graduate from, but he never stops to think that God might have something to say in the matter. When he's in the railway station of choices, he makes his own choice, and gets on the train he thinks is best for him, even if it's facing the wrong direction. And he only stops to talk to God when he gets bored on the ride, or when he needs to be just like everyone else around him. Then God lets him know he's on the wrong train, but he has to wait to get off at the next stop, leaving all the people, responsibilities, etc. behind. Only when he gets back to the original stop does he find that he can't do anything to change what he did, and he can't do anything to get back to where he was before. The cycle goes on and on... He never unpacks completely, never finds home.... on and on... living out of the same suitcase, wearing the same clothes, finding that wherever he goes, there he is.

I want to ask God what He wants from me before I take the wrong train. I don't have a suitcase big enough to take all of my junk with me, and I don't have the money for new clothes at each stop.

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart for what is yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

Hosanna