Lyrics that sing my heart

We who are called to be your people
Struggling sinners and thieves
We’re lifted up from the ashes
And out came the song of the redeemed
The song of the redeemed

Can You hear the sound of melodies
Oh the sound of melodies
Rising up to You
Rising up to You God
The sound of melodies
Oh the sound of melodies
Rising up to You
Rising up to You God

We have caught a revalation
That nothing can separate us from
The love we received through salvation
It fills your daughters and sons
Your daughters and Your sons

The sound of Your love
The sound of Your love
Is what You're hearing
The sound of Your sons
The sound of Your sons
You’ve won Your children

The sound of your love
The sound of your love
Is what You're hearing
Your daughters in love
Your daughters in love
You've won your children

The sound of melodies
Oh the sound of melodies
Rising up to You
Rising up to You God
Rising up to You God



Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

You know, I just don't know what to think about friendships anymore. I feel really weird about everything in that area because of everything that's happened lately.

I don't hear from anyone in Dallas anymore, aside from Josh, and it's really making me sad, since I know they never really see each other anymore. If I were to go back there, we would never hang out and if we did, it would be really awkward and all the conversation that night would be filled with drama. That's the last thing I want to happen. Yet I miss how it was last year when we all hung out all the time and had such good stuff going on. I miss all of them over there. And I never hear about what's happening in their lives. Sad.
Then I went on this ski trip with SummerGrove Baptist Church's youth group this past week, and I think I made a new guy friend, along with a few middle school girls I now love, and I'm just thinking that if I get involved in their 20s and 30s group at that church, I might meet more people to spend time with. However, I'm not sure I agree with some things at that church, so I think I need to start attending another church I know I agree with on Sunday mornings. But then I'm not sure I'm going to find that kind of fellowship. Crazy, I know. But it's okay. I'll be praying about it.

In wrapping up, I know I wouldn't be happy if I were still in Dallas, though I really miss IBC, like all the time. However, there's so much potential for happiness here with new friends, but I just don't know where or how I'm going to find them. And I'm convinced God isn't going to just send them to my front door saying, "Hi, my name is... and I would love to be your new best friend."

I just needed to put all that out there into the void. If you have comments, they would be appreciated, but not required. :o)

Stream of Consciousness

I feel free now.

I don't feel like going to Dallas anytime soon...
I don't really know why.

I miss my sister.
And my dog.

Green is a very prevalent color in my life. It's my default.

I get to go dress shopping tomorrow or sometime this week, and I feel like a princess when I do... so yay.

I love my dog, but I don't like it when she pisses me off. She's a puppy, so I need to get over it. She will all too soon be too old to care about anything.

I wrangled a calf today. Well, almost. I went to do just that, and then it started running too fast for me, and I fell in the mud. Then I felt like I was having a deja vu with something my dad would have done when he was younger... retro pants, shoes, and all. Needless to say, I never caught the calf. But I DID get a workout.

I have too much time and not enough friends who do also.

I do not have romantic feelings for anyone right now, though I do believe some do for me, and I really have no inclination to do anything about that part of my life for what sadly seems like a really long while ahead. I just need to focus on friendships right now and finding a church to plug into.

I've really let my relationship with Jesus go to pot these past few weeks, and it really sucks. I just begin to fall in love with Him all over again everytime I think about His CONSTANT love for me that will never pale. Praise Jesus. Draw me closer, Lord.

A LOT of hard feelings that have been burdening me for awhile now have come to closures tonight... and I'm pretty sure that a few new dramas are about to unfold just because these are over. So, wow.

Have I ever told you how much I HATE drama?

Jesus loves you, too, by the way.

I want to stop procrastinating SO much about little things... but right now, all I want to do all day tomorrow is lay in my bed with the fan on too high and watch my favorite movies and TV shows while getting random friendly text messages from people I miss.

Even though a friendship has hit a new place tonight, I have a sinking feeling that I won't hear from them again for a really long time. That's just the way he is sometimes, and I'm not a priority, so I understand. But it still sucks a little.

I feel very lime green, but I am getting sick of green, so I really want to be yellow, but I'm still lime green.

Do I make any sense?

I still want to be a professional singer, but I'm very sure I would never make it to being the next American Idol. Anyone wanna be in my newfound band? Maybe I should go get voice lessons again. I do miss them.

I should BE Kelly Clarkson right now.

I heart my sweatpants... and I can't wait to get my laundry done tomorrow and see what pants fit me and what pants are too big for me now. BTW... I've lost like 15 pounds... but celebrating that has probably made me gain it all back.

I still want to go out and buy some "goal" jeans. Like, that size I want to eventually fit into, and have a secure measurement of where I am on my journey to my ideal fit.

I am making a goal to work out three times a week. Thanks to that calf, I'm one-third of the way there this week. PRAY for me.

I really want this one pair of shoes, but I can't afford them.

I need a job in the worst way. Maybe I'll make friends there.

In my mind, in order to reach my ideal body image, I should probably go tanning, cut my hair (which should happen anyways), get my eyebrows and upper lip waxed, get a pedicure, grow my nails out, and stop breaking out all over my face.

Maybe I should just drink even more water than I already do.

All of this is truly running through my mind at the moment, and the best part is... Jesus loves me anyways.

The End of My World

I had the weirdest dream last night... President Bush and the President of Iran had gotten into a Bay of Pigs situation, and it was closing in on the "little red button" moment as I tried to figure out the best way to survive the situation, not knowing where exactly the bombs were aimed. Hundreds of lives laid in my hands since I was the only one with the knowledge of the life-or-death situation, and I had no idea what to do.... Needless to say, I woke up before ever dying, but I clearly remember getting all my feelings heard (and physically felt) about this one person in my life who really needs to hear what I have to say to him, though it may never get through his thick head.
But that's beside the point. I'm in the midst of planning this party for one of my best friends' birthday, and I'm realizing how addicted I am to stress. I've planned too many surprises to count in the past three weeks, all of which put some sort of stress on me emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I get really bored when I don't have something to plan, control, or manage. As laidback a person I think I am, I am utterly dependent upon stress to get me through the day. I'm uptight, and I hate being uptight.
Now, as you can tell, I have some serious control issues. And I find myself not trusting others with responsibilities that I feel would be done better if I did it myself. I've been burned in that way so many times before, it's too hard to count, and I've been that unreliable person many times in the past as well, so it's really hard for me to let go. It's really taken a toll on my spiritual walk with Jesus, since I have such a hard time letting go and letting Him take care of me.
There are so many obstacles that I feel would come in the way of me being completely free in Him. And they seem so very intimidating, though I know that letting Him take care of them would make them show themselves as small in comparison. I'm very fluent in giving advice and encouraging others in that way, but it's so much easier said than done. So, here I am... apologizing to all those to whom I have given that advice so flippantly. I don't blame you for not taking my words and doing anything with them, because I can tell you right now, I can't even motivate myself to do it.

So, I have noticed that whilst trying to control my life and the lives of others, I've lost control somewhere along the way. I'm not really sure what happened, but I'm almost going crazy. So, I would really appreciate your prayers and encouragements.... Thanks, friends, for reading and caring.
Let me know, too, how I might be praying for you! I hope your lives are awesome!

Limericks of the Wee Small Hours

1)
It's become a new kind of trend
One I hope will have a happy end
You play with her heart
And you tear it apart
And soon you'll be out of a friend.

2)
You like to think you are the best,
But if you look at all of the rest,
You'll all too soon see
That they just might be
Sick of your old, tired mess.

3)
You can be the best of the sweet,
But sometimes I think I might meet
Another one soon
Who would pull down the moon
To be there no matter the heat.

4)
You have turned out to be oh so blind,
Though you think you have all kinds of mind
To watch after him,
Though you can't change the wind,
And the end I'm so scared to find.

5)
You are way too young to be so worried
About making the future so hurried.
He's not in the same place
And there's not enough space
To keep all the flurry from hurting.



Life is so full of these feelings
That I can't stop from hitting the ceilings
So I stopped to write
I hope not contrite
That which leaves my mind always reeling.